Sunday, May 30, 2004

The aftermath

back to the BB camp 1st thing tomorrow... have to wake up at 6... it's 10.30 now... gah... not gonna get my 8 hrs sleep... oh well... hopefully i can move tomorrow after the competition today...
be back on tues... g'nite!

3 burst blood vessels and a blistered left foot sole

had the competition today. the 1st hour i was there, i was basically a nervous wreck... but it gave me some time to cool my nerves a bit... got some advice from some of the competitors and the defending champ... which also helped me to calm down. then when i was just about to start, Valerie and Euclid arrived which gave me a bit more confidence in myself. Joy, Serene and Lynn arrived when i started.

1st event: Truck pull
u know one of those huge 6 tonner trucks they use to transport stuff? i had to pull one of those.
i blistered my foot on this event... when i was pullin it halfway, my left shoe came off. the rest of the pull was pretty agonising for my left foot. Was quite surprised i could pull the silly thing 50 metres.

2nd event: Trap Grip
2 30kg pails filled with cement. grab both and hold on as long as possible. This was pretty hard. A lot of concentration needed... held it for like 55 secs or something like that. record was 2 minutes something.

3rd event: Hay transfer
5 stacks of 20kg hay... move from point A to point B. probably the most annoying event of all. By that time, my arms were all sweaty so i couldnt grip the stacks. only transferred 3 stacks... on the 4th, i just couldn't grip it anymore. Hopefully they're gonna change this event the next time, beccause quite a few participants couldnt grip the stacks...

4th event: Tyre flip
150kg Tyre. flip it over 8 times. think this event was probably my best. But my stamina didnt help once i hit the 6th flip... i was totally winded... need to train more stamina.

5th event: Herculean Chain
HUGE chain around 6 links... one of those used for boat anchors. around 120-150kg in total. had to drag it from point A to point B. gripped the chain wrongly at first... 2nd time i got it right after i dropped it. Think i burst 1 or 2 blood vessels on this event.

my positioning at the end really sucked... but doesn't matter... this was for experience. Maybe i'll do much better the next time round.

Saturday, May 29, 2004

1 am... wake up at 7 am... O_O

met Serene to talk today... had a very good time of sharing... talking... eating... =P
have Boys Brigade Leadership Training Camp tomorrow... have to wake up early... i'm gonna be quite dead... have to wake up at 7... and it's 1 now... finally managed to get all the songs together... but printer aint be helpful... so cant print 5 pages... blagh...
talking to winnie now... she's gonna treat me to dinner on wednesday... wheee.... hahaha....

will come out of the BB LTC tomorrow so i can rest for sunday... competition... very nervous... very intimidating... oh well... will blog tomorrow if i have the time or strength... gtg now... nitez...

Thursday, May 27, 2004

Jammin'!

went to jam today... was really good... only thing missing was a keyboardist... Met Samuel, Serene, Weicheng, Damein, Euclid and Jae and 3rd place. Samuel on lead acoustic Cheng on the other acoustic, me on the electric (for awhile before Jae arrived) Damein on bass, Euclid on drums and Serene sang.

yeah sure, we screwed up here and there and it was bumpy, but we had fun and very good fellowship... it was better than the last time we had jamming... which didn't really classify as jamming coz there was just guitar, with no plug in, no mic... and Euclid was just snoring on the drums. We also rediscovered some really nice old songs that we hadnt sung for a very long time like "The battle belongs to the Lord", and we tried out some of the new ones by Hillsongs too. So it was a very balanced and enjoyable time of jamming and worshipping. we didn't even notice the time fly by... we meant to jam from 4-6.. ended up playing till 6.30, then when the guy in charge had to tell us to stop, we looked at our watches and gave each other the "so fast?" stare.

Possibly gonna jam on the 7th of June again... hopefully we'll have a keyboardist this time round... perhaps Romona or Nat or Xiaorong or Xiaoxuan or Terri... hmmm yeah... all our keyboardists are female... the rest are all guys... hah...

Tuesday, May 25, 2004

First title

realised that it probably helps to put titles on my posts now...
will be neater i think.
anyways, went to gym this morning with Aaron at Yio Chu Kang... met Joy there. everyone else couldnt make it for one reason or another.
started training around 10.30, joy left around 11.30... then we finished at 1. pretty long.
then we went to north point, ate BK for lunch...
then dropped by terri's place (her house is pretty nice) haha... and picked up "star wars: clone wars".
zipped back to my place and watched both seasons in 1 sitting. (wasn't that long... probably a lot easier than watching 84 episodes of Naruto straight for like 2 days). Unlike what terri said, Aaron and i found the series to be quite hilarious... especially the mace windu fight scene...
played KOF2003 after that for like 40 rounds.... Aaron like won 5...
(dude, u gotta work on ur moves)

had dinner at home... then Louis sent me 3 games for Game Boy Advance. (play on emulator) ended up playing them until 11.30... haha...
ok... legs and shoulders will ache like mad tomorrow...
i'm off

Monday, May 24, 2004

my legs are still killing me... they're aching like mad and then i went to gym today to run another 6km... i must want to kill myself...
tomorrow morning going to gym with joy, serene, samuel, euclid and aaron... at 9am... should be interesting to see joy and serene at the gym... just for laughs... haha... =P

ahhh watched van helsing yesterday with aaron, euclid and valerie.
Action good
Story average
Dialogue cheesy
Overall 2.5/5

just one of those no-brainer shows that u just go to for the action.
definately not Troy kind of material.
this coming sunday is competition... shivers*...
plus, from sat-mon there's BB LTC camp, so i gotta come out on sunday half way through
hopefully i'll have enought energy for the competition on sunday.

Sunday, May 23, 2004

too... tired... to blog... about... van helsing tod... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Saturday, May 22, 2004

woke up, ate breakfast, watched tv, played games, dad left, watched naruto, mom came home, picked a fight with me, went to gym, came home, went out again for dinner, came home. sometimes my mom is just unbearable. I just don't say anything against her anymore, i just ignore what she says. It's bad... yes i know... wish that she would be nice more often.

gonna sleep early today. need my rest... my body is on strike. heh. doing projection tomorrow... finally after like 2 months i think. took a break because of my school schedule and my exams. let's hope i'm not too rusty.

WARNING: VERY LONG ENTRY, IF YOU HAVE TIME, GET A DRINK, SIT BACK AND READ.

today was spent more productively than usual. went to yio chu kang gym with Aaron Euclid and Weicheng. note to self: never go back to yio chu kang gym. it's damn ridiculous... probably like 50++ people in 1 gym. insane. even california fitness wasn't that crowded. i like my club gym.
after that Aaron Euclid and I met Nick and Wilson to watch Troy... caught the 8.30 show... the show's around 2 and a half+ hours... pretty long... had to take a cab back coz of that.

Troy was pretty good... not LOTR good... but good none the less. It really put across a lot of points on man's nature. the whole movie was about just 1 war. The many various generals and kings potrayed what men are like.
All fought in the war.

some fought for fame and glory
some fought for power
some fought for their family
some fought for love
some fought for their leaders
some fought out of spite of their leaders.
some fought for honour
some fought for survival
some fought for their god
some fought to oppose "the gods"
some fought for revenge
some fought out of pride
some fought to protect
some fought to conquer

the list can go on and on.
but mostly, every man fought for what they believed in.
the 2 men who were the most earned the most respect were probably Hector and Achilles.

Achilles had no fear, and had no tolerance for men who were incompetent and just power hungry. throughout the movie, even though Achilles fights for the wrong reason, you see that he has his morals, his judgement between right and wrong is very justifiable and honour only comes 2nd to his glory. He was also fighting against his nature to disrespect everything that he had a problem with. He first wanted to make sure Hector died in the worst way possible without a proper respectful funeral, but in the end changed his mind and chose to respect his fallen opponent.

The only reason why i felt that he wasnt as respectable as Hector was his yearn to have his name remembered throughout all time. He craved glory and fame.
Hector's stand was the most respectful because he always did what was right. He always stood for what he believed he had to do for his country and his family.
Hector was not as strong as Archilles, but because of his stand, because of his motive, he was the pillar that supported Troy. Without just one man... a city can fall.

There are many things to learn from our human nature seen in this movie. For me, i believe at times i'm very much like Achilles. Even though i stand for what i know is right, and i fight against my human nature and change to do the other things that are right, i always seek to be known and remembered for my endeavours and the things i have done.

In the end, someone like Hector, who doesnt seek fame and recognition, will be remembered more than someone like Achilles.

Then of course there are other people like the 2 kings, who were probably 2 of the most foolish people i have ever seen. 1 was so power hungry to rule everything and he gets killed by a woman with a dagger. the other practiced so much BLIND faith, that he died with the last words, "have you no respect?". Not to mention, he made the decision to bring the horse into Troy. -_-''

The general (the guy who plays boramear in LOTR) that convinced Archilles to join the war said "in order to lead, you sometimes have to serve". Very very true comment, that a lot of leaders these days don't realise.

Much more things to learn. Good movie... go watch it...

Thursday, May 20, 2004

gonna meet jae later for dinner and maybe gym... depends if he can get out of camp early enough... been playing cronous all day... i think i need to get our more often... but i got no cash... probably gonna watch van helsing on sunday and possibly shrek 2 or troy on sat, or before that... see how it goes...
too hot and bothered right now... will update later

Tuesday, May 18, 2004

back from basketball at SGCC with Joel, Aaron, Daniel, Ravi and some others... was pretty fun and tiring. Played for pretty long, was totally soaked after that.

There was a guy who played with us who is also competing with me on the 30th... from what he tells me, i'm even more intimidated now... i actually considered backing out of the competition... it's really just out of my league...
but there's this guy in the gym, he's the convenor there, Mani... indian guy... really strong and not allowed to compete because he would utterly thrash everyone in the competition. He's been teaching me some stuff, and he says that he likes me and i got potential, so i'm not gonna let him down, no matter how badly i do. heh.

On another issue, i really miss the old YM band, even though some of us are still around. As in Josh, Damein, Romona, Euclid and Jae. Somehow i feel that when we praticed and lead worship together, we had a very special cohesion. Worship Team has been pretty stagnant for the past month or so, and i'm starting to lose trust in the leadership. Sad to say. There are divisions and many many cracks in the team right now due to many different things. It really sucks... But then i remind myself that this team is facing so many problems and divisions because the evil one just wants us to break up coz we are making waves in Youth Ministry. We just gotta persevere.

woke up at 10.15... sian... just went through my routine of reading my contact's blogs... however today i discovered that one of my school mates just revamped her blog on a new URL, so went to check it out... and i found a link in her blog to another person's blog. who that person is, i will not mention, because my blood boils just thinking about that person. It is a she... she was my group leader for one subject last semester... she is undoubtedly, the hardest, most difficult, insufferable person i've ever worked with. I'm happy to say that i'll never work with her ever again. i looked at her archives back when we were doing the project... the stuff she says about all of us is hardly true.
She did the whole project by herself and left the group to die, coz she never gave us any work to do as the group leader. (and this is despite the fact that we asked her if there was any work to do). Not to mention, with that kind of attitude, you just feel like using a keyboard in the com lab and slapping her straight across her fat face with it...
managed to salvage my marks though, many thanks to Damein for helping me with codings... eventually got a B+ for my project... The thing really sad about her is that everyone in Computer Engineering in Temasek Poly knows what kind of person she is and says she's impossible to work with... i really feel sorry for her Student Internship Program group members.

It's these kind of people that make you think, "how on earth am i supposed to show God's love to this person, if he/she is really this screwed up!?"... something to struggle with.

Listening to Metallica right now... I like their songs in terms of music wise... but in terms of lyrics wise.. i think it's arguably satanic... i dunno... haven't heard enough songs to make a conclusion on that... but really, their music is good... would be REALLY good if they had better lyrics. (why is it all the really really good rock bands have some weird history?)

another after 12 post which is actually meant for the previous day. Maths sup paper is finally over... and i can say that i'm quite confident of passing, though there is a very small chance i might fail (the chance that i have small mistakes in every question). Time to enjoy, time to play agian... actually i've always been playing, just that i can enjoy more now that the paper is behind me...

too tired to think... half-life with Aaron and Louis has fried my brains and my ability to blog.
nite.

Sunday, May 16, 2004

exam tomorrow... gonna sleep early tonite... 11... havent slept this early in quite some time... tomorrow gonna wake up, meet Zhi Hao at 9 in school and study more before we go in for the exam at 2pm. I'm feeling fairly confident. I did some questions earlier and I could answer all except for one question in Section B which required quite a lot of working... What I am worried about is how to identify the questions. According to what kind of equation i get, i must know which law/formula to use... and the difference between individual questions isn't a lot.
Was joking with my friend that we are gonna need sharingan to do this exam... Naruto joke... for those who have no idea what sharingan and Naruto is, go and find out... good anime.

I notice that a lot of people seem to be having a lot of problems with other people... and it's really distressing how they respond to it... usually it's with a lot of vulgarities, which i really can't tolerate no matter what the reason.

I'll give you my take on vulgarities. Back in secondary school, i used to use them anytime, anywhere, and no matter what a lot of people said about it not being good etc... i still continued to do it. Simply because i told myself that it was an avenue for me to vent anger, to express my frustration and it's good to let it all out at times. In fact, I even told some people that it was okay to use vulgarities now and then, that was something i regret to this day.

What changed me? well, once again, it was something that Jacob said, that made the most sense to me in the midst of what everyone else was saying. Jacob said that when we worship God, we worship Him by singing, through lifting of hands and other various expressions. But just looking at the singing aspect of it, how is it that something so foul and something so beautful can come out of our mouths at the same time? Is it pleasing to God to see that our mouths hold both praises as well as curses and vulgarities? No... it isn't.
I really love worshipping God and singing praises to Him... because these intimate moments mean so much to me both as a worship leader and a worshipper, i choose not to use vulgarities anymore.

It would be easy to justify our vulgarities by saying it helps us to vent our frustrations and that using it once in a while is ok... but the RIGHT thing to do, is not to use it at all...

ok.... it's 12.54am... but this is supposed to be for 15 may... haha... went for maths remedial lecture today... helped quite a lot... the whole lecture theatre was full... and it can accomodate up to about 200 students... i think... so that's how many failed maths... and most of my friends didnt come... =/ lots of us are saying they should make the exams easier... 200+ failures is telling you something...

then went to play basketball with Zhi Hao, my classmate... he and his friends are a real fun bunch... there's this guy called David, 185+cm tall... my build... just bigger... and the funny part is that he's prob auditioning for singapore idol... haha...

about singapore idol... i wonder who would join man.... ok... maybe a lot of people lah, but the thing is.. i wouldn't risk going on national TV and perhaps to be told that i suck. very simply, because singapore is so small, imagine after that, everywhere you walk, everyone will be pointing at you whispering "eh, dat's the one cannot make it *giggle* *giggle".

not that i would participate in the 1st place.

k gotta sleep now... church tomorrow... this is wayyy too late... should sleep earlier

Friday, May 14, 2004

ok... just played cronous... gonna go sleep soon... so downloading Naruto 83 in the meantime... tomorrow it's back to school... for a maths lecture... but i still can't find the location... which is quite dumb... found out about it from our lecturer and forgot to ask him where it was going to be held...

looks like i'll just have to find that out tomorrow... another weekend of just studying... by monday this will all be over... thankfully...

My arms! i can't feel my arms!!! ok lah... i can lah... but they're really just very very weak right now... i cant hold anything without my arms trembling like leaves in the wind...

Competition is on the 30th... sigh... i'm getting really intimidated by the other contestants... i think there's like zero hope of me even getting a placing this year... it just cannot be done...

went back to school this morning again to meet our lecturer again so my friend can ask more questions... i think our lecturer thinks we're too incompetent to attempt Section C in the exam... his advice to us was to just skip Section C (1 question which holds 20 marks) and concentrate on Section A and B... everytime we went remotely close to asking him to teach us how to do the questions that will come out in Section C, he just said "Section C is for those who aim for distinction... just concentrate on Section A and B and u'll be fine...." gee... that helps a lot...

must.... eat... food... now...

Thursday, May 13, 2004

ok... just came back from small group... and played NS for awhile... (had clan training actually).

Had a good discussion about the vows/oaths people make in life esp. in marraige... came to a conclusion that decisions in life aren't meant to be taken lightly... if we say we'll do it, then we have to do it... we shouldn't make excuses for ourselves.

we were reading Matthew 5 if i'm not wrong: Yes is Yes and No is No... not one hair on our head can be both black and white at the same time... thinking about that, we often say "maybe" in a lot of situations... because we're obligated to do something and know we NEED to do it, but at the same time, we want a back exit... a "Pull me to get out of here" escape... so that if things dont go our way, we can always choose to take the other route... Yes is Yes and No is No.... we have to make a stand and really root ourselves to it, not to be swayed by what we want, but what God wants...


looks like it's back to school again tomorrow to do maths and ask the lecturer questions... oh yeah... nearly forgot... my maths sup paper is on monday... so at least i still have this weekend to brush up more stuff... i really want to pass... gtg and sleep... nite...

ok... didn't blog yesterday... blarg... was too tired... gym is really taking a toll on me... in both very good and relatively bad ways... i seem to be getting in shape... but everytime after gym, i just have no more energy to do anything... oh well, guess that's a good thing too...

in school right now using the com in the free access... quite surprised that it's open despite the fact that it's school holidays... waiting for a friend to arrive, then we're gonna look for out maths lecturer so he can teach us and help us for the sup paper... need to ask him about that topic that i have absolutely no clue about... haha...

ok another reason why i didn't blog yesterday was because i was playing cronous... some new mmorpg... it's not bad really... kind of a mix between Priston Tale and MUonline... ok... after this session in school, i'm gonna scoot home and play it... haha... or perhaps do a little more maths 1st... see how stoned i am by the time our maths lecturer is done with us...

k, gtg... my friend is around the corner....

Tuesday, May 11, 2004

Just got back from the gym... was studying at the club by myself before that... and around 4.30, Xiaoxuan just happened to pop by to study, so she studied with me at the study room for about 1/2 an hour before i went to gym.
looking back at my maths paper and going through the questions and everything, i think it wasn't really that hard... i hope that the sup paper will be similar... that way, i'll pass... in the meantime, i'm still gonna cover more ground just in case. i really just wanna finish this module and get it over and done with...

Monday, May 10, 2004

ok... blarg... got back from the outing around 10.30... pretty exhausted... whole day at the beach, playing games and ultimate frisbee... not to mention the heat really takes its toll...

great to meet up with my group again... bunch of really fun people who love the Lord too.... most of us actually made it this time round... we actually had a lot of problems congregating in the past because of individual timetables and such...

this maths sup paper is really getting on my nerves... can't seem to enjoy as much as i want to, cause it's always at the back of my mind... telling me i have something to worry about... something to study for... it's quite annoying...

one of those nights again... feeling kinda sucky... think i won't think about it too much and just retire for the day now...

looks like i'm gonna hit my books tomorrow again... and most probably go gym...

another one of those nights with mixed feelings... happy yet sad... confused yet understanding everything that's happening.... hard to express this kinda feeling... oh well...

in the process of writing another song... 1st and 2nd verses are done... but i still cant get a chorus somehow.... oh well, i'll see where God leads me with my guitar later... will post the lyrics here sometime when i am done....
thinking about it, i've written like 5 songs... including this one would be 6... some weren't very good, some i was happy with... but somehow eventually i felt very uh.... bored with the songs i wrote after some time... no idea why.... maybe it's just me.... hopefully one day i can write something that i'll really really like....

writing songs gives you a lot of insight to a lot of things.... one really big thing that i've been thinking about is how hillsongs and all the more charismatic people write their songs in general.... i started to see a trend, a very common line with what they wrote as their lyrics. Don't get me wrong... sometimes i really enjoy worshipping with hillsongs songs or others like it.... but after some time, it starts to feel like it's more of a love song session rather than a worship session.
i dont think i can count the number of times Marty Sampson of hillsongs has "I love You" in his songs on my fingers. Once again, yeah there ain't anything wrong with that... it's really great and intimate when you tell the Lord "I love You"....
but...... isn't there more to this?
worship: worth-ship
we are giving God the worth for what He has done... if we have a personal relationship with God, isn't there something more to say? more things He has shown you in your life? Definately.
In everything i write, eveything i convey in my songs... i just pray that it is meaningful to those who hear it.... that they will be able to say "Hey, yeah... i've felt like this before" or at least be something more substancial where a person has to dig deep and think about the song before grasping it completely.

time to sign off for today....
gonna meet my Young Methodist Leaders Conference group members tomorrow at east coast.... hope that it'll be a good time of fellowship.... oh wait... it's 1:10 am... that makes that today... heh

Sunday, May 09, 2004

ok, just got back from studying... managed to cover my exam paper and highlighted the questions that i didn't know how to do... many thanks to Val who helped me here and there, and for like studying with me all the time...

got to go to the club soon for mother's day dinner with my parents and their friends... hmm.... hopefully it won't be too boring...

sometimes, it's really sad, depressing and frustrating to see some people live their lives... how they've changed for the worse even though they had chosen to live their lives for God. Yet, at the same time, i can't do much to help, and whatever that i do do, ends up having a negative effect sometimes.... still feeling very helpless coz of all this...

will post again later i think... gtg and bathe and get ready.... wondering why the dinner is so early.... it's like 6.30pm... gee.... oh well...

Saturday, May 08, 2004

Got my exam results yesterday, out of 7 subjects, i only failed one.... even though i wish that i didnt fail that subject, i also have to thank God for seeing me through that semester... it was probably the hardest semester i had to go through. I nearly ended up quitting my course because of how hard and demoralising it was. I remember one sunday i went to talk to Jacob and asked him what i should do... and his lesson for me is something that will stay with me forever.
"Do not be afraid to die, you are already dead." "Do your best and leave the rest to God" "Do not worry about what the result will be, anxiety lames and hinders you. Just trust eveything to God"
without that advice, i would probably have failed 4 subjects out of 7.

It also makes one think... when we do things in life, we worry about the outcome more than anything and end up hindering ourselves and we fall short in that challenge, or we may never even face that challenge... There are things in life we cannot control, things that we hate to face... But because God is there, we can just face it with all we have, and leave the outcome to Him.

Tomorrow is sunday, going to study for my supplementary paper after church with Valerie. It really helps to have someone study with you i think... well, for me at least...

more to write, but i'll save it for tomorrow or something, havent really collected all my thoughts about it...

hmmm.... finally doing my own blog... no idea why i am doing it, but i just feel that there are some things in my life worth writing down, certain things that may encourage people if they read this. These are my trials, my pain, my joy... hope they help...