Saturday, October 23, 2004

I will subside

finally a post... it's been a pretty interesting week... started "working" at the 3rd place this week, and although i'm not getting paid, it's been a rewarding experience so far. Hanging there with Jamie and the pple there... doing stuff like prepearing for events etc, it's just very enjoyable to me.
Leading worship this week, and have fasted and prayed over it, and i hope what i'm doing is what God is directing me to do. Talked to Jacob about how to tie in the worship along with his workshop on sunday. He said that i should just make a statement by having no worship, because the youth don't know how to worship. And only when their hearts are changed and broken, will they really truly worship. I can't do that... can't bring myself to, and Jacob says he wont force that on me and that it's up to me. Is that what He really wants? I don't know... Hope all is revealed soon. Practicing with Nat at her place tomorrow morning before heading to the 3rd place for service. that should be interesting too. Will be my 1st time there for service.

On a sadder note, my exam results were released today and i failed one subject again. MSD. but strangely enough i only felt depressed for awhile, now i feel at peace, that God will carry me thru the supplementary paper too.
Probably has to do with me going down to the 3rd place to help out with the evangelistic event there. Parousia (the resident band for the 3rd place) played... and it was awesome. Managed to talk to the guitarist and the others a little after they performed. Really nice guys. i bought their 1st CD back in 2002, which was really good... and now their new material which they performed tonite, was even better... bought their 2nd CD tonite of cos... heh... they even autographed it for me. Their songs are really meaningful, and sound great. Right now, got the song "Subside" in my head.

I was so sure, i'd eventually make things worse
I didnt see, You had something else for me

now i made a mess of it all
listened to my pride
now i cant make sense of it all
and i see the light

so when You and I collide,
I will subside
By your word i will abide,
I will subside

You understand I've got my own dreams and my own plan
without a doubt, I've got my whole life all planned out

But i dont know what's best for me
I only see today
So i trust implicitly
I'll do what You say

so when You and I collide,
I will subside
By your word i will abide,
I will subside

He said those that seek will find
Have eternal life
So i'll glady follow You
My life a sacrifice

so when You and I collide,
I will subside
By your word i will abide,
I will subside

Friday, October 01, 2004

Humbled

it's been a rough patch ever since i last posted... fighting with things and going to the extent where i sort of didn't care anymore... today, i met up with Jacob again... and it's such a humbing experience everytime i do meet him... they way he puts things together and makes a clear path in front of me... and everytime, that path isn't the easiest to take... but it is THE path to take.

Talked about the zombiness of youth these days... how it's so easy to fall into it... to be caught up with things of the world... it's really a vicious cycle once you take a look at it... and i must say that i am guilty of it at times as well...and it's hard not to fall into that category of zombies. However, it is something i have to achieve and overcome.... not to be held by the world's flashy neon lights and comfortable settings... to choose otherwise...

also talked about my disappointment with the Youth Camp, how i can do a lot for it since i have 2 months of holidays before it but not be able to see some of it through... how it will be the case for a lot of things, where i must do things in life that will benefit others which others will never remember or recognise and be contented with that because God sees all. another thing i really struggle with... i may love to serve God in a lot of ways, but i also like to be recognised for it...

there were a lot of things we talked about.... it's always a challenge... but it's always about what is the right thing to do... quite frankly, without Jacob, i think i would be a lot worse off as a christian... i wouldn't have made it a point to improve myself constantly as a human being and as a christian if not for him.
I truly thank God for giving me such a great mentor... someone who always throws me into the deep end of the pool, but always teaches me how to swim too.

Now i'm writing an email to Pastor Alvin at the 3rd place, to see if i can work there during my holidays... i hope something works out...