Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Happy CNY

forgive the generic topic.
5 day weekend, out of tekong... it went by so fast. somehow i wish i could've spent it better, like maybe i could've crammed in more things to do. Then again, i doubt i could have done that. Time outside of tekong is very precious, you just wish it would go on forever.

Day 1 - bookout, slack in front of the com till dinner. went for dinner with my parents
Day 2 - slack in the morning till lunch. met weili louis and aaron to play LAN at Tampines. saw Temasek Poly along the way and for a moment, wished i was back there. But then i realised if i was back there, i would still have to go through NS. bummer... back home for a simple dinner and more stoning in front of the com
Day 3- church in the morning. arrived to hear some english song being sung to the tune of a chinese new year song. like urgh goosebumps... sorry. went to jon's house for lunch. went home for popiah dinner.
Day 4- slacked till after lunch, met Mark D in town to catch up. Met Jon, Joel, Steph and Dave to play LAN, then back to Jon's for dinner. then to Leroy's place for a drink and tour of his 2 storey bedroom. Back home to finish assignment by 2am
Day 5 - lunch at Terri's place. just got back.

like i said, i did quite a few things, but i slacked a lot... that time slacking could've been spent with other pple/friends. oh well. i shouldnt complain.


I've come to an understanding that some pple arent happy with me and the way i talk, that i tend to be discouraging in my comments about things in the worship team. mr. passerby, i'm not 100% sure of who you are, but you're most probably from Trinity. This is taking into account that the 3rd place band has tagged back, and the fact that Truthmin think you're just being malicious.
Whatever the case, i don't understand what i have done wrong against you and hope that maybe one day you will let me know. If it is about me "discouraging" pple all the time, i apologise and i'll just shaddup from now on. havent said anything for a very long time and wont anymore in future.

Back to tekong in 2 hours.

Sunday, January 15, 2006

Limbo
in a state of mixed feelings and reasonings. i really really hate NS life, most of the time, everday is a drag. yet at the same time i cant really say that i have much to complain about because i have plenty to be thankful for.
e.g: i'm supposed to be confined for field camp next weekend and FUSION 2006 is on the 21st (saturday). so i couldn't go, and Mark asked me to sing also. Due to some miracle, our field camp is shortened and we get to book out on sat evening 6pm. just in time for me to make it for Fusion. so thankful for that. also, we all get halal combat rations for food camp which all taste a heck of a lot better than regular chinese combat rations.
yet despite all these things that God has blessed me with, i cant seem to be happy day to day in camp. i'm always filled with a sense of dread and "what on earth am i doing here?!". and also i busted my knee again from the old injury last year during overnight rollerblading.

there are a lot of things to think about... like "should i downgrade?" make my life easier and get posted to a slack position? what if i get a crap posting in future? like combat medic or rifleman?
i dont want to face this misery everyday for the next 2 years.

It really sucks to know what you want to do for the rest of your life and not be able to do it and have to suffer for 2 years 1st. so many uncertainties to deal with in these 2 years. i just want it to fly by and be over and done with.

sometimes i think i tire myself out more by thinking so much.... my body aint suffering as much as my mind. (well other than my knee injury). i'm not looking forward to field camp. gonna suck quite a lot.

Losing a life to protect it...