Sunday, February 26, 2006

ZzZzZz

screwed up my MDC audition on tuesday. Just before walking into the room, they said i would need to downgrade just to get into MDC. there's no chance for pes A or B people to get in. that basically crushed all my morale at that point. (i can downgrade, but just for the sake of getting into MDC, i dunno) So i went into that room and croaked rather than sing. anyway, after seeing the people there at MDC, i'm pretty sure that i wouldn't want to be there anyhow. It's scary how "gay" these people can be... or so cold. what's over is over, no point looking back.

everyday in camp is basically, sit around and slack now. with all the major events finished except for route march 16km and 24km, we practically sit around all day and play chess or watch movies in the annex room.
making this a short post cos i gotta book in soon once again. wednesday bookout because of A level results release. heh. guess i'll go for ash wednesday service. see how it goes.

Sunday, February 19, 2006

3 and a half more weeks

15th March POP. the past week in BMT have been slack. from late morn to early afternoon, all we do is sit in the bunk, go for lunch, and go back and sit in the bunk. Yet, even with all the slacking, they still insist on keeping us in till late afternoon on saturday because we have to "pay back" for an off day we had somewhere during CNY. oh well, next sat is another late bookout. 8 or 9pm after the asian aerospace is over. bah.

anyway, now that things are getting "easier" in that sense, i started to realise that i havent been clinging on to Him as much as before, like just as i entered BMT. everynight, once we get our "free time" i always look forward to turning on my handphone and smsing all my friends to talk or chat about stuff. but there are some nights were friends just dont reply because they're busy or something else...
i've been doing my quiet time off and on, maybe like once or twice a week. on tues night, i was reminded by Rachel that i should be doing my QT esp since i cant go for third place service as often anymore.
amidst all my anxiousness to talk to friends via sms and being disappointed that they dont respond at times, i failed to realise that i havent been talking to my biggest friend as much as i should be. so, my QT frequency has increased once i realised that. I try to make it a point to spend time with Him before i sleep.


Tuesday is Music and Drama Company Audition. I have to go down to Nee Soon camp to sing some songs and hope that they accept me into MDC. I really hope i do get into MDC. At least the skills that i learn there will be of benefit to me once i ORD. At the same time, feeling really really nervous about the whole thing. not entirely sure of what i'll sing or what i have to sing. and whether they will audition me for playing the guitar too.
I don't know if it's the Lord's calling. I hope it is... in the end, the result will be decided by Him. Is this my Tarshish or Nineveh? I don't know.

Sunday, February 05, 2006

The Grace we take for granted

was a short week in camp last week cos of CNY, but on thursday night, i got word from my platoon sergeant that i would be doing Guard Duty for Friday night, when the rest of the company would be booking out at 7pm, and going for excursion the next day at 8am in civillian attire. I would still need to go for the excursion after guard duty... argh
This guard duty was an extra, simply because i mis-fired a blank round during field camp. fatigue really gets to you after some time, and you dont think straight. i kinda expected the guard duty to come sooner or later, but i was hoping my platoon sergeant would forget about it. He didnt.

anyways, i managed to have a good time talking to a friend during guard duty. about religion, about beliefs, and the rest of the time just chatting randomly. Thankful once again that He gave me a chance to share what i believe in with another person in my platoon.

another thing that i reflected upon is that i really take grace for granted. especially in civillian life. growing up in a christian environment, i always had the understanding that i have forgiveness, regardless of whatever i do, with a small or no price to pay. through school, i always abided by rules, and never really broke any rules unless i was absolutely sure i wouldnt get caught, or that the punishment would be minimal. you could say that i'm not a risk taker.

now in NS, there are so many things that you can be punished for. i'm fine with the small punishments like push-ups. but things like guard duty just simply sucks. for the whole week after the mis-fire i was just hoping that i would get away with it scot-free.

NS is very much like God's law He put in place straight from the beginning. no matter, how much we try and try, sooner or later we find ourselves being not up to the standard that's been set. The difference is God's grace. NS has taught me not to take His grace for granted. The real world is still un-forgiving, and i appreciate His grace all the more now.